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Monday, July 9th, 2001
8:41 am - loaded like a freight train
i'm debating wether or not i want to continue this live journal stuff. at first it was all in good fun, now i get kind of scared to log on. it's fucking 8:30 am. i have to go to class in 15 minutes. i'm actually glad to be in school. even though the waking up and going to class part really sucks. why do i do this? i think this is most likely my last entry. peace out.

current mood: hungry

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Sunday, June 17th, 2001
11:45 pm - bustin the sag
i'm so sick. i really need to see a doctor. i'm pretty sure i've been running a fever for three days now. but i don't want to take my temperature because i'm scared. i don't know what's wrong with me. i think i might be dying. i shouldn't have touched the miller last night. especially the miller that was from the dude that said he got it out of his van.
today i did a wonderful thing for my father. i went to church. it sucked so hardcore i thought i would vom. luckily my little sister and i entertained ourselves by making origami out of the offering envelopes and in the end they busted out the incense and i got so turned on thinking about the virgin mary i couldn't help but squirm in the pew. peeew.
every minute takes way to long in this house with him. i try so hard not to go crazy but it's hard to stay sane when i look at him.

current mood: guilty

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Monday, June 11th, 2001
5:19 pm
is this a test? like some big fucking karmic sat. i really want to do well but giving up is so tempting and there is no waiting. there is nothing left of me to love with.

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Thursday, June 7th, 2001
5:02 pm
i drove home barefoot and wearing a bikini top like that would help me to feel free but the guilt and heartache is so heavy and i will never ever be free of you and i don't know why i would even want that this was all that mattered and i fucked it up i'll fuck it all up forever are you reading this are you ok are you ok please please be ok...

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Tuesday, June 5th, 2001
5:10 pm - now let me blow your mind...
gwen stefani and eve. like marmalade on a blueberry bagle. yum.
focus. i can't. focus. fuck. i've been here for an hour and have 100's of things to enter in this mother fucking database and only one more day to work on it and i've entered about 7 new people. will joyful scalp me? i am incapable of sitting here and typing when there's so many things stimulating me right now and i am being forced to sit in a room so appropriately named "the hole" listening to KUBE 93. deprived of all stimuli. stimuleezy. tonight i really need to dance and not watch the mother fucking ENGLISH PATIENT. but i will do it for lisa because she kicks my ass so hard that i fall at her feet. YEEESWSSSSSSSSSSSSZSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! annie says we have to go now. bless her precious soul!!!

current mood: guilty

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Friday, June 1st, 2001
2:11 pm - guses
i can't wait to get back to seattle and saturday seems forever away. it's lonely here and i have no community. community sounds so cheesy. i have no posse like in seattle. i wonder if i had known them before we moved if we would have moved. while people i have met here seem to be ok i don't know if i would ever talk to them outside of a party or if they would talk to me. the only reason i get out in olympia is because s-dog is nice enough to drag us around with her. i know this sounds like i'm bitching about oly social structure but that's not it at all because i don't care about that. i just miss my friends because there's no one here except susan (and vinny of course) that i could run around topless in the backyard shreiking about whatever kind of solidarity is evident at the moment. plus it's raining and i think that is making me feel crappy.
thanks for being my grumpy gus suse.

current mood: lonely

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Wednesday, May 30th, 2001
4:05 pm - work=death
i am deathly afraid of school and deathly afraid of work. i think about it and think that running away is all there is. or killing my parents but i like those guys. am i really scared or just lazy or scared of not being able to be lazy.
tonight we are going to grill and ROBERT will be there and annie won't. 1-1=0.
i'm so in love with you. i'll be forever blue.

current mood: exhausted

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Friday, May 25th, 2001
10:30 pm - is he kissing her in the kitchen?
i haven't slept a wink and have been drugged up for too long. now i'm gonna drink some tea and sleep. i am officially naked on the internet. don't ask me where.

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Tuesday, May 22nd, 2001
3:33 pm - i'm not gonna compromise my christianity
i really wish vince wouldn't say so much on his livejournal. what a fucking ehibitionist.
give a bunch of sex-obsessed girls and boys a case of beer and suffer dire consequences.
never underestimate the sexiness of your own garage.
i'm never giving back her barette.
vince broke-up with me today, even though he hasn't officially told me, he's leaving me for this hot new nintendo 64.

current mood: high

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Monday, May 21st, 2001
3:08 pm - oh baby, why won't you talk to me?
i wish lu wouldn't wear his hair like that. it makes me feel dirty. ha ha he missed me. the virgin mary is the ultimate sex goddess and lu is definetley the son of the ultimate sex goddess so that makes him jesus.
two and a half more days til my porn star debut and i haven't even chosen a name yet. shit.
stefany's barrette is so sexy...

current mood: giddy

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Sunday, May 20th, 2001
6:33 pm - you lost
fucking shit.i'm almost always a top, but livejournal i submit to you.

current mood: embarrassed

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